Sea Level, Online Games and I-5

Fuck all of these things...

1.. Sea Level--this makes every hot beverage WAY too hot. I burn my mouth all over the place at the sea levels because stuff boils at actual 100 and takes longer to cool down.

2.. Online Games--geoff is playing this stupid online train track building game or some dumb shit like that. I don't really understand how it works but it makes lame train noises.

3..I-5--this is some scary shit that still haunts my dreams. 75 lanes of busy rush hour traffic stacked on top of eachother in the dark and if you miss your exit you're fucked- which is easy because things aren't adequately labeled and the GPS machine doesn't work properly when you're under the opposing lane of traffic.

Reading Other People's Blogs

I have been flipping through the random blog option on this site for a while today (bored in class) and realized that there are basically 3 kinds of blogs- food related, stay at home moms and people on trips. Lots of them have a ton of relationship stuff like people's weddings and baby shit. Does anyone really want to read that? I don't care about someone else's kids. The idea of having a themed blog or mainly themed blog like one for your recipes or crafts or something is pretty cool but I basically don't do anything but go to school and be a transient. I would like to be less boring in my blog times, perhaps I should talk about books (when I have time to read anything) or put up quotes after every post, that seems kind of neat unless they are bible quotes like one blog I found. Ideally I could have a small group of chickens and blog about having chickens but it's going to be a LONG time before that happens. I guess what I'm trying to say is I wish there was more interesting stuff going on in my life in general but I'm glad my life isn't consumed with babies and jesus.

Working Title

So, just about a week and a half left of this semester. I'm a mix of worry and anticipation, but it really will be nice to have almost 4 weeks off of school. Last week Geoffy and I went on an epic journey to the southlands, visited some cool people, chased peacocks, saw a Buick Roadmaster for sale and saw the PIXIES 2 times in the Americas. The second night we were right in the front, probably no more than 15 feet from Frank Black. He's so gross and hot its unbelievable. It was the best concert I have ever seen, for realz. They played all of Doolittle in order + related B sides then encores caribou, vamos, gigantic/bone machine, nimrod's son, holiday song, where is my mind. The next day we all got P tattoos. Fun I guess. Emily tried to shove a spoon up Dan's butt.

I've been oddly inspired to write short stories lately, wack dreams almost every night and stuff. Hopefully something kind of depraved with incest, gross sex scenes, and surrealism. I shouldn't have embarked upon this post with out ample fodder but I did. Ugh.

Fuck Goals

Lately I have been so swamped with homework, errands and other people's drama that I really don't have time to make myself a better person by having new and interesting experiences and getting stuff done like clean up my room/car/life. On Saturday (2 days, holy fuck) Geoff and I are going to the south, a much needed holiday type thing. Unfortunately one of my professors is a total bitch and assigned an essay outline that was due 2.5 weeks ago and hasn't given it back yet, thwarting my plan to finish that essay (due the day after we get back) before the trip for a relatively stress-free time. Instead I have to cart a bunch of books down there and probably end up procrastinating and stressing about it for the whole week, just because she was too fucking lazy to mark "the last 6 assignments" that she hadn't done yet for last class. I hate university, professors and academics in general. Its frusturating, and they dont have any respect for the fact that WE'RE PAYING THEIR SALARY. It's ok, I know you're WAY better than me as a human being because you have a phd. Well this wasn't supposed to be a rant about university, it was supposed to be a rant about goals, like a need a list of stuff to remind me what school is preventing me from achieving. So I deleted that shit.

FUCK Australia

I have recently developed a very strong aversion to Australia and vow to never go there. Even if it's free. They would have to pay me a lot to go, and if that ever happened I would seriously stay in an air-conditioned mall the whole time. I don't want to go somewhere that I can't go outside. While doing a bit of research for this post I came across a forum where it is mostly some Alaskan douche and some Australians having it out. Here are some highlights of that before I move on...

The Alaskan:

Being from Alaska; I'd have to say I'd rather take my chances with an 800 lb grizzly bear than some of the shit you got down there. No poisonous stuff up there in my frozen north; poison is playing dirty.

Some Australian Douche:
I'm slightly offended that people are scared to come to Australia due to our deadly animals, but fucking proud at the same time.

This is someone defending the Alaskan after some of the forum jerks were making fun of him: Oh, com'on, give them a break! They have to defend USA by keeping an eye on both Russian and Canadian day and night!Russia is actually a lesser problem now because Canadian is the real socialist! People in Alaska would rather die free and broke than to live under any form of Universal Health Coverage!

Another Australian:
I'm continually amazed that the funnel web is so common in Sydney and is absolutely screaming death on legs, aggressive enough to chase you across the yard, and can survive for days at the bottom of your swimming pool when they fall in. Lots of people get bitten swimming.

Anyways, enough of that shit. Funnel web spiders are scary fucking things. That alone is enough reason to stay the fuck out of Australia. It will kill you in 20 mins and only one person has ever survived. She was in the city, really close to the poison science place. There's a ton more poisonous spiders there, too many to list them all really. The funnel web is pretty huge which is frightening but what is more unnerving is the fact that many of the spiders that will kill the fuck out of you are really small and almost unnoticable. There's scorpions too. Basically everything is poisonous. Even the fucking platypus.

According to the internets, 7/10 of the world's most poisonous snakes live in Australia. Not to mention these constrictor assholes...

Once you get past all the terrible animals that live there on land, there's the ocean...this may seem lovely and people talk about that reef business all the time and how awesome it is but it will also seriously fuck you up. As soon as you get to the beach its going to be swarming with smarmy fucking surfer douches.

As if that wasn't bad enough, there's jellyfish, stingrays, sharks, crocodiles and lots more that will just straight up kill you.

I don't really like the ocean to begin with (stinky, unpleasant to be all salty, scary shit in there) and there's no good lakes in Australia. For the most part it's desert. Even if there were, there would be shit scarier than the stuff in the ocean around here. Apparently the people are misogynistic douches which is just fantastic. The schools there have uniforms. It's too fucking hot all the time but you wouldn't want to wear anything like SHORTS because the asshole spiders and shit will be all up in you. Another terrible part of Australia is the accent, which may seem novel when its one person in Canada but when EVERYONE talks like that it would get old fast. The only people without accents would be fat american tourists which are best avoided like, well, Australia.

A couple of other points: they drive on the wrong side of the road, its too big to really see the place in a vacation span of time, there's no health care so if you happen to get fucked by any of the asshole animals then good luck getting taken care of, and of course- vegimite.

Geoff is singing Queen songs very badly

I haven't posted anything for many months. My parents are currently hunting so I'm home alone with Geoff, he's having a lot of trouble turning on the kitchen light while he's making dinner (french toast and bacon). I had french toast for breakfast but I appreciate the effort on his part. Now he's trying to do a Michael Jackson Queen cover where he's all high pitched and twitchy. He's come to the decision that a Michael Jackson Queen cover would sound like silence because he's fucking dead. I'm pretty sick of celebrity in general. Fuck thoes guys. Yesterday we were at the Four Seasons pool because the Aquatic Center was a gongshow and we had to go into gender segregated change rooms because they wouldn't let us share so I was changing as a bunch of 13 year old skanks were changing at the same time. "WHY WOULD YOU PUT SUGAR ON STRAWBERRIES, LIKE HELLO, THEY HAVE NATURAL SUGAR ALREADY!" or the classic and always topical "DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT THING WITH KANYE (pronounced KANE) WEST, LIKE OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO HORRIBLE." I fucking hate teenagers. Geoff is ignoring the food on the stove so I'm having to nag him so the french toast doesn't get all gross. I guess it's been an eventful summer, busy at least, too busy to do this blog thing. I will make a list in the future of the stuff I have done that is noteworthy but my french toast is done so I must go eat...

Look at me, I'm so arty!

It's very sad that you don't need to be an intellectual to succeed at university. When I was younger I always had this illusion about university *even unbc* that it would be different. The best of highschool maybe, but it's not. It's pretty easy to get a 65% average in highschool and scrape your way through a bachelor's in psychology. Ugh. Also, how are these douches who haven't progressed past the uninformed highschool like-on for communism even handling it. I mean, I'm not struggling but it's pretty difficult, even not being confined to a misunderstood dogma. Then there's the super pretentious masters students who think they're better than everyone because they've been in university for 12 years to get a second degree in some kind of arts thing that they'll never be able to pay for. I understand going to school for that long if you're going to be in medicine or something but it's embarassing to see balding wankers in their 30s wandering around because they really can't do anything except write lame poetry and fellatiate the egos of their professors enough to make a small temporary impact on the community of wannabe artists whos art is worthless and doesn't last. Really I think they're too afraid to do anything real because they know they're too old to make anything real and are just living in perpetual university life to cover up their shortcomings. They never became Picasso and now it's too fucking late. Grow up and DO something. Jesus.

ssssstressssss

I'm really bored right now because I have no car and Geoff didn't want to hang out so I have spare time to dwell on how unpleasant life is becoming this week, this culmination of all things that worry me and make life less enjoyable...

Things that are causing me stress:

Exams: for obvious reasons but also because I haven't done too well in previous semesters and would love to get my GPA up this semester. All of my exams are going to be pretty hard too and require a lot of studying that I just can't seem to start doing even though I'm so bored.

Car: My car is all broken and stuff and my parents want to sell it rather than keep getting it fixed. This is turning out to be way more emotional than I may have anticipated and is just adding a general air of depression to everything. No car will ever be as good. Change is sometimes good I guess but some other times its just plain for the worst. Like the tearing down of the Cameron Street Bridge, the eventual demise of my car and the building of Wal-Mart in PG. Sometimes the old stuff is just better and progress is just teaching us to accept less.

Summer job: as if school stress wasn't enough, after its all over and all that I could have done has been done, I don't get to relax, I have to work...and hopefully get a different job if I can or I'm going to go crazy. I will probably hear back from the thing I really want to do by next Tuesday so that will be nice, either way. I just want to know what is happening so I can make a plan and be less anxious all the time about the summer.

Money: I got none. Actually I have 200ish dollars which is more than I've had for a month but I have to work really hard on saving money and stuff. I want to drive Geoff (if my car is fixed) to Burns Lake on his birthday to get a club sandwich and possibly commune with some alpacas. I would also like a bike, a nice one at that. I don't really know what else I even want to buy. Some new clothes would be nice. I'm not about clothes like some people but I've noticed that my clothes that aren't just completely generic are all falling apart. It would be nice to have a level of income where I could buy something if I wanted it. Just like anything, like a taco or a ball of yarn or something.

Living at home: Ugh. My parents are really decent but I just really want to live with Geoff and have our own space. It would be really cool to decorate the walls with maps and have plants and hedgehogs and potlucks and cute stuff like that. To do that though I would have to work way more and have decent income so that I could pay rent consistantly and be sure that I would be ok and not have to move back home because I really wouldn't want to do that. ugh. I have to make sure my parents would still pay for school too or else it really isn't logical to move out until I have a bachelors degree.

Stupid Bitches in Canadian History

So...there are 3 main ones, one that sits behind them and a fat girl on the periphery. The 3 main ones all have blonde straightened hair and lulu lemon swag. Last class, the one in the back spent the WHOLE class on the lulu lemon website online shopping. Geoff is muttering. They whisper the whole time too, its like, welcome to grade 8. Awesome. In one class the prof (morrison) was talking about putting kids in french immersion and the one blonde skank was like MY PARENTS PUT ME IN FRENCH IMMERSION AND NOW I WORK FOR PARKS CANADA BLAH BLAH BLAH IM SO IMPORTANT EVERYONE LOOK AT ME BECAUSE IM TALKING SO SHRILLY. It really sucks, I feel like the general IQ drops around me when I enter this class, except that I sit beside Geoff and he apparently has a stunningly high IQ according to some online test so I'm ok. One of them has this offensively pink lulu lemon hoodie AND a matching pink lulu lemon shoulder bag. One has a lulu lemon binder. UGH. They have bimbo voices and that face that just screams "IM SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU BECAUSE IM SUPER BITCHY DONT YOU JUST WISH YOU COULD TALK TO ME BUT YOU CANT BECAUSE YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT KIND OF PANTS OR SOMETHING, I DONT REALLY KNOW BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS SMALLER THAN THAT OF A HAMSTER." Fuck stupid bitches. I'm embarassed that they go to university.

Gratuitously Cute Nicknames...

So I've decided just to be gratuituitous I'm going to start calling Geoff really grossly cute nicknames all the time but not tell him about it (I doubt he'll read this). Some things such as:

Pork Chop

Old Geoffy

Muffin

Munchkin

Precious (said in smeagol voice)

Cheese Ball

Mister Frodo

Pumpkin

Cupcake

Jelly Bean

Geoffrid

Chicken

Kiddo

Peanut

Biscotti Bits

Cupcake pants

and my personal favourite: Honey Bunches of Biscuits.


Get ready to puke world...

THE ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALLLLLLL

So Geoff and I are super cool and are watching the extended version Lord of the Rings movies for the second time this year...I even bought the soundtrack of the second movie off of the itunes. We watched the first one last night. It has lots of quotable lines which is pretty cool and I like it in that the group is all together so there aren't tons of Sam/Frodo/Smeagol parts where Frodo is just really really homoerotic on Sam. Frodo is such a chode. In the first Lord of the Rings movie, Frodo falls down 10 times.

Aarrrghhh

So I'm sitting on Geoff's bed and he won't be awake for probably another 10 hours because its only 9:50 in the ams. Ugh. I can't really think of anything to write about... I just clipped my fingernails all over his bed but he didn't notice because he's unconsious. Thats actually really gross. I didn't realize the extent of the grossness at the time. I just asked him if he wanted to go on a rollercoaster and he shook his head violently no and started growling. Then I asked him if he wanted sushi or a candle and he's thrashing around about it. This is a really boring post- and a really boring morning. I hope he reads this and realizes how boring this morning is. Ì'm going to eat some floor pizza. Yay his phone alarm is going off, time to get up? Apparently not, apparently its time to turn off the alarm and roll over, taking all the blankets and ripping most of the top sheet off the mattress and start snoring almost immediately. Boring boring boring.

Dreams

So last night I had a fever and was ill so I had a bunch of wacktacular dreams:

1. That I was on the Isle of Man and I was driving in my car down a highway (on the North American side of the road) and cars kept almost hitting me and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. When I finally figured it out and tried to go across to the right side of the road I couldn't control my steering and went all crazy off the road.

2. That Geoff was cutting his own hair and wouldn't let me help him and he was doing a really bad job, he had startled monk bangs like Emily and it was all uneven.

3. On the Isle of Man again, I was biking across this cliff and I just fell off, It was really tall.

4. Isle of Man one more time, I was doing drugs with my Momma and there were these people fishing off a dock and they caught a massive (like 10 foot long) fish and they were debating whether it was big enough to keep. Then we were in the Peel Carnival but it looked more like Hamilton, Bermuda up against some mountains than the Isle of Man. There were London Busses too.

So with this illness I have my eyes keep freezing over and it really sucks, my eyelids are all puffy and it generally hurts to look at stuff and I've realized, while hearing is so important because of voices and music and stuff, most of the best activities involve seeing.

Leonard Fucking Cohen Bitchez!

So I just procured (by means of presale code illegally posted on the internets) a ticket to see Leonard Cohen in the Vancouvers with my Momma in April.

Then there's Fleetwood Mac in May with the Emily.

Fuck ya!

Canadian History 101

Canada has pretty much the most boring history of any country that ever existed. Maybe like Australia and NZ have pretty boring shit but at least they were built with criminals and have sheep to fuck and kangaroos and shit. Canadian history is so boring. Its like it was a British colony that they didn't even really want they just didn't want someone else to take it, what they really cared about was the US, then the US was like well fuck you guys and had a revolution. Revolution is always interesting unless its industrial, then it sucks. Anyways, they had a big war and the US won and the British were all sad they lost the good colony then they were like, we really don't want to have to deal with another war over Canada especially since we don't really want it so they just pensioned it off and were like, you can be your own country now but we still kinda own you if we need your help fighting wars and shit. So then there was Canada. Then there was Louis Riel and he was a fucking dumbass who thought he was the reincarnation of Christ and did some crazy shit and wanted the pope to be in Montreal. Then Quebec was pissed off all the time and forever more because in the making of Canada the British forgot there were a bunch of French fucks stuck in there who didn't really even want to be there and didn't give a flying fuck about Britain. Then they were bullied by the British to go into the Boer War which is the worst war that ever existed and I never want to hear about it again because it was stupid core. Then Quebec was pissed. Oh yeah and there was the War of 1812 where the Canada like fought the US and burned some shit down, minor shit, like when lame ass teenagers rebel badly by getting drunk one time then returning to their fucking youth group and end up being social workers. Thats what Canada is in the scheme of country personalities. the social worker. Fuck social workers. Anyway, I digress... So after the Boer War Quebec was pissed and then they built two ships to protect Britian a token amount and stuff, then there was WW1. Canada was all gung ho about that shit because they had a hard on for the mother country. Oedipus much? So they went to war and Quebec was still pissed because there was really no reason why Canada should involve itself in a foreign war that didn't affect it at all and WW1 was stupid anyway because it was just about bogus alliances, how come a Serb shoots and Austrian and Canada ends up fighting Germany? So then Canada was like, when it came time for peace treaties (the ones that fucked shit up even worse) and Britain was going to sign for everyone but Canada was like, no dudes, we can sign for ourselves. Quebec was pissed. Then there was the depression. The depression is like just as bad as the Boer War and the Industrial revolution. Skip that. WW2...Canada made their own decision to go in that one but it was a way better war because there was Hitler and junk etcetera. Then there was Trudeau. Then that other guy. Now Stephen Harper. Fuck Stephen Harper. He's so lame that he's not even fun to hate on like Bush. Then just last week they wanted to reinact the Battle of the Plains of Abraham. Quebec was pissed. Now it's not happening anymore.

Planning 10

In highschool, my grade was the first that had to do the planning 10 course. My teacher made us do all our assignments by way of a blog and I just found mine right now. I can't actually beleive how wack I was and what colloquial language I used in school assignments. Here's an excerpt from a paragraph summating planning 10 so far...

"Another thing we did was the STD presentation. It was grody. There were disturbing pictures of people's personal areas. We also had to put a condom on a fake wank. I did not do that as other people at my table were more enthusiastic about the activity. I plan to be a nun so this doesn't really affect me."

I apparently suck at this

So I haven't written anything in this crap for like 3 weeks or something and I'm sick of facebooking. I hate when i don't get to be on the internets for a few days then I'm really excited for it and it's disappointing and there's no cool stuff on facebook and like no new emails or anything. Hmm, I don't know what to write about. I'm boring boring boring.

So I pretty much hate assholes who don't respect other people's shit. Like yesterday, Geoff put on a show and a bunch of fucking teenagers spraypainted all over the wall across from the venue, some 14 year old skank being one of them...she was bragging about it until everyone started getting pissed off then changed her tune. Fuck I hate teenagers. Anyway, it would have probably meant that Geoff couldn't rent the venue again and that would be really wack so Emily, Dan, Rob and I found some white wall paint in the church basement and painted the graffiti over. They used toothbrushes that Rob had for some reason and I just used my hands. But fuck teenagers. Especially bitchy stupid ones that date boys that are like 6 years older than them and act like they're so fucking hardcore but really they're just in grade 9.

Fuck stupid people in general really, I had a really trying day at work before all this shit went down and really have just had enough of stupid people and their shit. I can't deal with the general public for much longer...

http://clientclick.mls.ca/propertyDetails.aspx?&propertyId=7839136

Spicy Baby Tako

So the other day Geoff and I went out for sushi at the Tokyo place. About a year ago I started eating sushi again pretty hardcore, starting with yam rolls then eventually moving up to sashimi and tako. Before that I had a major sushi phase which ended abruptly when I got sick with alaska rolls. Anyway, I was feeling adventurous so I ordered a scallop cone and spicy baby tako. Delicious, but Geoff is apparently a "poontang" (to use one of his own colloquialisms) and doesn't like fish at all and sticks to the green veggie plate. I didn't think it would matter if I ate that business and was feeling like some tako but when it came he had a crazy girly freak out about how they look like what they look like when they're alive and wouldn't even try one- even though I assured them they don't even taste like fish because octopi are in fact not fish. Whatever. He was so grossed out that it even started to gross me out, which can happen sometimes. Anyways, I almost got sick and I don't feel like sushi for a while...fuck that guy.

On another note: Apparently the UN has been in Cyprus since 1961. Fuck Cyprus, they don't even deserve to be capitallized. When I was in foreign lands there was advertisements on the TV for "cyprus, the year round island" and that just bothered me because island stuff is a geography thing, not a season thing. Now to learn that not only to they have offensive tourism ad campaigns, they also waste resources and can't solve their fucking proplems for almost 50 years. There's only like 800,000 people, jesus that's like less than Edmonton. Get your fucking act together already cyprus, and the UN too while we're at it, 50 years and you don't do fucking anything.

http://www.visitcyprus.com/wps/portal

Procrastination is like Masturbation

So I think I'm way too boring to to have a blog, but there's a ton of stuff I should be doing right now like transposing Smetana, working on an American History Essay, proofreading my Canadian History Essay and the list goes on. I was actually going to go to the pool this morning but there's too much homework shits going on.